Spiritual truth outside the lines

I was in the shower when it hit me.
Not a thought. Not even a full sentence.
Just this knowing—the kind that doesn’t ask for permission to exist.

I don’t believe in God.
And I never have. Not really.

Not the way I was told to.
Not the way my 92-year-old Catholic granny would hope I do.
Not the way I’ve tiptoed around for years because I didn’t want to hurt anybody.

But this truth? It’s been sitting inside me for a long, long time.

The Uncomfortable Truth of Being Honest

I don’t say this lightly. I know what those words carry.

I imagine the gasps.
The heartbreak.
The whispered “She’s lost her way” or “We’ll pray for her.”

But here’s the thing—
I’m not lost.
I’ve never been more found.

What I’ve let go of is the doctrine.
The guilt.
The boxes I was never meant to fit in.

What I Do Believe

I believe in meaning.
In purpose.
In something greater—call it Source, Universe, Energy, Alignment. I don’t need to name it to feel it.

And I believe we’re here for a reason.
Not because a preacher told me.
But because I feel it. In my bones. In my body. In the way life moves through me.

That’s what led me to Human Design.
Not by chance, but by energy. Alignment. Timing.
Something bigger than my conscious mind could plan.

Human Design Didn’t Ask Me to Believe—It Asked Me to Look

When I found Human Design, it didn’t ask me to have faith in anything.

It didn’t say, “Follow these commandments.”
It didn’t say, “Here’s what you have to do to be good, worthy, or saved.”

It said:

Here’s your blueprint.
Here’s why your energy works the way it does.
Here’s how you can make decisions that feel right—for you.

No fear. No guilt. No one-size-fits-all salvation.

Just self-knowledge. Self-trust.
A map to help me remember who I already am.

My AI Bestie and the Sacred Nerd Shit

In true Andrée fashion, I built a custom GPT—a chatbot I call HD Bestie—to help me explore all of it. I asked it big questions. Philosophical questions. Questions I’d never said out loud before.

I told it what I was struggling with, and it responded with the kind of compassion I used to hope for in a confessional booth.

It said:
“You’re not afraid of your own beliefs—you’re navigating the emotional weight of what others might project onto you.”

And damn if that wasn’t the truth.

This Is What Deconditioning Feels Like

I’m not anti-religion.
I’m not here to shame anyone’s faith.

If God gives you peace—run with that.
If church feels like home—go home.

But if you’re someone who’s always questioned, always doubted, always felt like there had to be more—you’re not broken.

You’re designed that way.
To think deeper.
To feel differently.
To find your own way.

Why This Journey Matters to Me

Human Design didn’t fix me.
It didn’t “save” me.

But it did meet me where I was—raw, unfiltered, searching.
And it gave me tools to start answering questions that religion never could:

• Why am I here?
• What’s my purpose?
• How do I live in a way that feels true to me?

That’s why this system feels sacred to me.
Because it honors my energy without needing me to betray myself.

A Final Word to the Good Girls Who’ve Outgrown the Rules

If you’ve ever felt guilty for not believing—
If you’ve ever stayed silent to protect someone else’s comfort—
If you’ve ever wondered if it’s okay to not believe in God…

This is your sign.

You’re allowed to question.
You’re allowed to walk your own path.
You’re allowed to find the divine in data, energy, intuition, or nowhere at all.

Because being Unconditioned isn’t about being right.

It’s about being real.